I know that I haven’t posted anything in ages, but I stumbled out of the woodwork to post this.
I decided to pop into the vulvodynia tag to see if there was anything new (and was extremely disappointed to see that fucking band is still taking it over–once again, kindly leave), and I’ve seen quite a few posts about how people don’t know how to tell people about their illness/es because of the area and how society reacts to “women’s problems”.
When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t know how to explain it either for the very same reason: fuck you, it’s an illness that I did nothing to get and I’m not ashamed of having it. However, there are times when someone doesn’t need to know all the details, or you simply don’t want to go into it. So my then-boyfriend came up with this: tell them you have “a lower spinal nerve and musculature disorder” (I have high tone PFD and IC as well, so you could cut it to “lower spinal nerve disorder” should you please). It’s true, it conveys the seriousness of what you’re going through, and it more likely than not will cover any visible symptoms the person you’ve told will witness.
Following World War II, Beirut became known as âthe Pairs of the Middle Eastâ due to its French-Colonial architecture and vibrant culture, which drew tourists, intellectuals and investors to the Lebanese capital. However, this boom period ended in 1975 with the outbreak of civil war and since then the country has been further marked by various conflicts. After researching the countryâs complex history, photographer James Kerwin embarked on a trip to Lebanon to document the derelict, yet beautiful buildings that have been left behind.
Doctor: [singing ‘Come and Get Your Love’ by Redbone to oneself]: Tka tka tooh, do do do do do do, de do do do do do beow beow beow beow beow beow buh nuh, bah dah buh buh buh buh, hey!
I really really appreciate that this person went off and I TRULY do think this is a conversation that needs to be had more and more.
I am not going to reiterate or repeat anything they said above, but I want to share my personal feeling on a subtler aspect of this issue.
People donât want to talk about pregnancy as a potentially dangerous and lifethreatening condition because many of them believe it is necessary for a full and meaningful life. Unfortunately, many many of the people who believe this are not also the people who would be carrying the baby.
Our social narratives are all largely amatonormative, and beneath that, bioessential. That is, they operate on a sort of supremacy of the body, as well as the nuclear family narrative. What this means is that most people are raised and pressured into believing that a) having a baby is a MUST for a meaningful life (hidden agenda: have someone to take care of you when youâre old bc amatonormative society isolates family units and ostracizes seniors) and b) it is the birthing of the child that gives this meaning- no other form of childcare is meaningful.
Now before I go on I am NOT JUDGING anyoneâs life, desires or dreams, I am critiquing the social narratives that we are raised with.
Anyway that last bolded point is why there;s all the talk in the world about âstarting a familyâ via childbirth and an entire industry geared towards enhancing fertility when pregnancies are not forthcoming (and many many people who stress themselves out trying to have a baby, feeling guilty or broken because the social and relationship pressures to fulfill this ideal) meanwhile adoption continues to be seen as a third- not second option. Present, living children are less important than the ideal of childbirth forced on people.
And I say âforcedâ because it is an expectation. It is an ever-present social narrative. And it goes hand in hand with the fact that it is seen as taboo or shameful to talk about pregnancy as difficult, dangerous, and not necessarily all sunshine and smiles.
Mothers are shamed for feeling less than joyful about this very dangerous experience, and by that others are also shamed for feeling averse or apprehensive about pregnancy. It is an intentionally created false narrative that plays into the hands of patriarchy-Â because a grand amount of this pressure and related apathy (âoh itâs not a big deal, itâs just pregnancy!â says someone who isnât carrying the baby..) continues to allow men to pressure women into having children (âTHEIRâ childrenâ unlike, say, an adopted child) just so they can feel the pride of having sired a child (even though their contribution is oh so genetically and energetically small).
If we talked more honestly about pregnancy and childbirth, we might have to validate the concerns and lifestyles of uterus-bearing people who were expected to want to become pregnant. Men might have to just back down and shut up about wanting to create âkids of their ownâ through someone elseâs body. We as a people might have to think twice about acting as if pregnancy is inherently positive when this society is not actually capable of offering healthy supportive pregnancies to most pregnant people because a society that treats poor and black people this badly as well as one that isolates families into these tiny units isnât capable of giving pregnant people the considerable care and support they need at such a precarious time.
Pregnancy is pregnancyâ thatâs it. Things do not inherently mean anything aside from the meaning we assign to themâtherefore pregnancy and childbirth are not inherently positive nor is it necessary for a meaningful life.
When we do not speak openly and honestly about pregnancy, we are not letting people make informed choices about their bodies; this is not informed consent.
I'm Amy, the Queen Bitch. Twenty-nine. Slytherin. English major. Zoids (read: Raven)/Hellsing (read: Alucard) fangirl.
Iâm a darkly inclined feminist. I practice witchcraft, suffer from OCD, Vulvodynia, IC, and High Tone PFD, bite regularly, and have been known to hiss on occasion.
20thday ofMayin the year2023
